Keep Moving Forward

Have you ever attempted to create a ball with a handful of sand?

It's quite different than with packable snow and that's the challenge we face as writers. Realistically, that's the challenge we all face in life. A desert of words stretches far and wide beyond your starting point -a blank page- but what do you do with what rests at your feet?

Words must be chosen carefully, whether we are writing or interacting with people on a daily basis. The path we decide must be considered prudently because if we embark on a journey in the wrong direction, we risk losing our sense of direction -our sense of right and wrong- and lost beyond assistance.

We'll hope for that oasis to alleviate our torture, to assist us in redirecting our path in the right direction, but too often a mirage proves illusory and we arrive at place that resembles our point of origin. What then?

Sometimes, we scrap the paper or delete the page and begin anew.

Sometimes.

Yet, there are other moments when we have developed an attachment to our characters, to our worlds, to our stories and we are reluctant to merely vanquish them from our lives. We have invested too much of ourselves into them, and to simply press delete sometimes feels like we've eliminated a part of ourselves.

Is this how we die? Bit by bit, piece by piece? Word by word, mistake-by-mistake, rejection letter by rejection letter? How do we overcome the obstacles that arise? How do we climb that dune, find more desert spanning beyond the horizon and still find the energy to keep moving forward? How do we face these trials and decide that our dream must live?

I find myself on the mountain of my life's dreams. I have continued to climb despite the avalanche of recent setbacks and I do so with a heavy heart.

I miss my children, but I talk with them as often as I can and make the most out of our visitation weekends so that we have memories to last a lifetime. I strive to achieve validation as a writer in my pursuit for publication whilst I tend to the wounds of my pride with repeated rejection letters for representation.

I work longer hours to make ends meet, and squeeze in time for revisions on my completed manuscripts while committing time to my newest projects in the middle of the night when I should be asleep.

To ensure my children have everything they need, I've sacrificed as much as I could but find myself unable to afford my medication for my diabetes. So I make adjustments in my eating habits to avoid the dangers to which I'm at risk. I formulate solutions rather than dwell on the circumstances I created, yet at every turn the mountain grows steeper and my legs grow more tired. The air grows thinner, and my heart grows heavier.

I am a man that is flawed and ambitious, confident in my abilities yet insecure with issues of abandonment but still willing to keep moving forward. Still hopeful that I will achieve the pinnacle of my dream because I'm convinced that I was born to accomplish this task; born to be the father I am to my children and provide them with the life of security and love they deserve.

I will continue to carve my stories into this mountain, I will continue to stare down that blank page that lingers before me like a desert that threatens to exist as a daunting task, and I will continue to develop my craft and become the writer I'm destined to be, because if a universe is capable of existing by the accumulation of minute strings -see String Theory- then surely I shall one day create a ball with a handful of sand.

It's possible with water. Anything is possible with faith in yourself, and in what you are determined to achieve.

"Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged individuals who kept moving forward."

The Sacrificial Lamb

I had to kill him.......OFF!

It was necessary, because he wasn't necessary. After having beta-readers read my manuscript and offer their feedback, it became evident that one character in my novel was merely just along for the ride. Ultimately I arrived at the realization that he -like many of the nameless faces throughout the course of human history- did nothing to enrich the story, to leave his indelible mark and became unforgettable.

This didn't make him any less important, because a person who lives a short life is still capable of doing important deeds. Although I had originally envisioned him to play a role in my story akin to C-3PO or Peregin "Pippin" Took, as the twists and turns burrowed deeper into the legend of my novel like a river cutting through the terrain of the earth, he became more obsolete and needed to be eliminated.

Characters, like the story itself, have this uncanny ability to "come to life" for a writer, and impose their will. Wodinaz the Wizard, Inanna and Dumuzi -the parents of Alulim, Manu and Aya the Immortals all flourished and BECAME real, they all took action and became essential by shaping the course of events that unfolded in Ancient Sumer, circa 2300B.C.E. however this other character, he never did that. I came to the realization that the story could be told without his presence, and as a result he had to die.

It wasn't that he lacked bravery or that he wasn't noble, because when the moment came and it was imperative for the sake of Inanna's safety, he took action and made a decision to die a warrior's death. In that regard, he made a valuable contribution to the legend, but that is where his role in the script of destiny came to an abrupt end.

And to quote Hector when he prepared to do battle with Achilles at the gates of Troy, remarking on the fallen cousin of the legendary warrior's cousin, Patroclus: "I gave the dead boy the honor he deserved."

And to quote Achilles in response, "You have him the honor of your sword!"

Yes, I gave this one character the honor of a warrior's sword, but at least he went down fighting.

To quote one of the greatest warriors of legend once more, I recall a scene from the epic war film Troy when Achilles was summoned to fight Boagrius, when a boy spoke with Achilles about the Thessalonian warrior:

"The Thessalonian you're fighting, he's the biggest man I've ever seen...I wouldn't want to fight him."

Achilles turned to the boy and said, "That's why no one will remember your name."

Perhaps the character in my story will be forgotten, lost like a scent in the breeze of time, and as my series develops into the 20 books that I'm currently projecting, his actions may be eclipsed by grander deeds, but at least he will not be remembered as a coward. Someday, I hope, that they will reflect upon his one decisive moment, the moment that defined his presence in my novel -however short-lived it was- and realize that his sacrifice allowed for the story to continue and for destiny to be fulfilled.

"They never fail who die in a great cause."
~George Gordon Byron